Shall We Begin?
by WipeOut95
Summary: Journal, you play an important role because I don't know where I'll be in a few years, and I don't know much about leukemia, but I know it kills. If I don't make it out of this mess alive, you get to be the most important thing I leave behind. You get to be the memory of me because locked inside you will be what I can't show and tell. So what do you say? Shall we begin? FAX!


**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. Life got crazy with senior year and the dozen of college applications, but summer is in. I'm going to do something a little more laid back this time inspired by A Walk to Remember and Go Ask Alice, so if you don't know either one of those… A Walk to Remember is a movie and Go Ask Alice is a book, both fantastic. This story takes ideas but isn't really anything like either or, so I hope you guys like it! **

**WipeOut**

Day 1:

White walls. White tiles. White curtains. White bed sheets. White everything. I thought maybe I was going crazy. Maybe, if God loved me enough, I was in this screwed up dream. How else could I be so numb every time they stuck another needle in the crook of my arm for blood tests or when they stuck a giant needle into my bone for a bone marrow biopsy? I sat there emotionless as the doctors talked with charts and pens and all sorts of other unnecessary shenanigans when really, they just told me and my mom in a hundred different statistical ways that I had leukemia, and it was getting worse – fast. I must be inhuman to feel nothing towards the news. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia is what they called it, and I spent the car ride home repeating it to myself in my head over and over again so I could remember it. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia is who I am now.

I laughed at myself for feeling a tiny bit surprised, because of course this would happen. Just after everything my mom and I had gone through, this just had to happen. I should've seen it coming. I mean, to be fair, God did give me warnings. I'd been sick with an on and off fever the past few months and a consistent headache that would've leave me alone. I'd lost 10 pounds within a week and sleep became my best friend, overriding every movie or dinner friends asked me out to, so I shouldn't be mad right?

Mom was quiet the car ride home, but she sent me to bed and made me soup, faking a smile in my presence. Life's been hard on her too. The proof's written in the worry wrinkles carved onto her forehead. She's young and beautiful with sparkling brown eyes and light blond hair, spunky when she gets a chance to forget her unfortunate position in life as a widow. Dad and she were in love- real love, like the type you see in corny romance movies, but the car crash 2 years ago took more than his life. It took a part of my mom, too, and she's grown cold since, not negligent, just… cold.

I lied in bed for so long, my whole body shaking with I don't know what. Half of me hope I won't see morning, because I have no idea what lies ahead. Chemotherapy starts next week, and schools out for the summer.

Great way to start the summer huh?

I saw a moving truck parked across the street. The house across from mine is in shambles from being empty for so long. I didn't think anyone would ever want it, but there was a man and 2 boys with him. All 3 wore a rough expression like life wasn't kind to them either. No laughter, but the smallest kid ran around so full of energy. When was the last time I had that much energy? The older one had dark features. It didn't match the dad and little kid. Dark hair, dark skin, dark complexion.

Interesting timing.

So, today marks many things. It's the day of my new discovery of who I'm forced to be, it's the day I get new neighbors, and it's the day I begin this journal, this physical proof of my new life as a cancer person. I refuse to say P-A-T-I-E-N-T. Journal, you play an important role because I don't know where I'll be in a few years, and I don't know much about leukemia, but I know it kills. If I don't make it out of this mess alive, you get to be the most important thing I leave behind. You get to be the memory of me because locked inside you will be what I can't show and tell.

So what do you say? Shall we begin?


End file.
